A True Tale

Academy of Athens{Plato L. and Socrates R.}

The following is true. Only the names of the guilty have been changed.

Tammy,

For five years I’ve done what I could to support you in every way possible. When you needed a shoulder to lean on I did my very best to be there for you and only asked the same from you. I supported us financially and did my very best to let you be you. For months and months neither one of us has been happy. I was ready to continue down this path of destruction and unhappiness. I really was. I felt that the “real” Tammy would finally show her sunny smile. Instead you, your words and actions sealed the final deal.

You showed me that for 5 years I’ve been nothing but a whore taking care of her pimp. You looked me square in the eye and told me you didn’t support my decision about my future AT ALL. You made it ABSOLUTLEY VERY, VERY EXTREMLY CLEAR that that was not going to change. Then I asked you if you even wanted to be with me. You again looked me square in the eye and said you didn’t want to be with anybody at all. Then you did the one thing I told you 4 years ago in spring valley to NEVER do again. Do you remember? I said if you ever made that voice and belittled me and emasculated me in that way again I would be gone so fast your head would spin. And of course you sat on our porch, looked me square in the eye and did exactly that. Again. 3 of the 5 things I told you were unacceptable in a relationship and you own 3. It could only be worse if you had done the 4th and 5th, assaulted with a coffee cup in the head repeatedly and cheated on me. Remember our conversation about those things? I thought you would.

But the hardest part? You looked “around me” over the kitchen counter the next morning. You couldn’t look me in the eye as you “apologized” and blamed it on being in a bad mood the night before. Ridiculous, stupid and silly

I should have known years ago when you cried and asked me “Who would take care of you if I left?” that this was never going to end well.

Even this morning when I left for school. Your last words to me weren’t goodbye, not even I love you. They were biting, sarcastic and nasty. I was tired and not totally awake. I dropped a lighter and didn’t realize it at first. That’s just an example of why I’m leaving. You’re never ever happy Tammy. When you do beautiful hair it’s not good enough. Or the client was a bitch. Or the boss doesn’t understand you. Or the money isn’t enough. Or the coworkers are bitches and assholes. And that’s just work. When you create something amazing like the couch, or artwork, or the beautiful carriage gate it’s not good enough. You’re not happy with you and you push that on everyone around you. Everyone. When you go out it’s not good enough. The people are assholes. Or the waiters a douche. Or the waitress is showing herself off. Or the drinks suck. Or the environment isn’t to your liking. How many times did I try to get us to go out? I stopped trying a long time ago because when I suggested it we never went. Because it wasn’t ever good enough. Lower your expectations Tammy. No one and nothing is ever going to be good enough for you if you don’t.

Or everybody’s out to get Tammy. Really? Enough is enough. Grow up. The world doesn’t revolve around Tammy. There is no Tammy land. It’s only in your head Tammy. Really.

I really thought when you finally got a job thing’s would get better. I thought maybe the world would stop looking so negative to you. I was wrong. Everywhere I go I see happy smiling, laughing people. I want to be one of those people again. With you, that’s never going to happen.

 I was alone when we met by choice. I choose to be alone again by choice.

Remember what my laugh sounded like when we first met? I do and that’s why this is over.

When I asked you to marry me you scoffed at me. You made me feel small and un- empowered. You told me it wasn’t good enough. When I gave you your ring it made your hand break out. Maybe that should have been a clue that we were doomed to fail from the beginning. When I gave you that beautiful handmade skull ring you laughed at me and told me it wasn’t good enough. When I tried showing it off to someone you made me feel like shit in front of that person. Tiny and miniscule with nothing to show for myself including a backbone of any kind.

Someday in a distant time and place I’ll be able to forgive you for using me and hurting me like this. But not today.

Sign the car title over to yourself. The insurance will stop at the end of the month. I’ll mail the computer back to you as soon as I clean all of my info off of it.

.

Maya is going to need you as much as you do her right now. Please give her all My Love. I’ll miss her so very, very, very, very much…….

I’m sending a copy of this email to your parents. You are going to have to rely on them. I am not your caretaker and bank. I am not your toy. I am not your boyfriend or your fiancé.

Be thankful you have Nathaniel  and Mary. They Love You more then you know! Having parents who care is never a burden. Stop acting like it is. Stop taking them for granted. You have no idea what it’s like to be all alone with no family at all. I pray you never have to feel this way.

I reached out to my own family recently for help. Help was offered and then I was left hanging in the wind. I was let down again.

Seems a recurring theme in my life. Lesson learned to not trust anybody but myself ever again. Period.

Be grateful you have Nathaniel  and Mary. You had better treat them well as they are your lifeline.

Nathaniel  and Mary,

I Love you both very much. Someday maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You’re going to have to help Tammy with rent. I thought I was going to be able to pay but I have had to dump a crap load of money in the truck in the last month and a half just to get out of this place and the negative, terribly destructive situation. I was supposed to be gone months ago. But between Praying that Tammy would change, paying off our bad debt from our relationship and my truck starting to break down… Transmission, battery, gaskets, steering and the final blow. Yesterday I had to have the alternator replaced. Of course Tammy knows nothing about this. I stopped trusting her and confiding in her along time ago. I have your address and will finally be able to start sending you the money we owe you. All of it. On my word and Honor. It may be slower than either one of us would like but it is what it is.

I’ll be camping in my truck for the foreseeable future while I continue school.

I’ll be Praying for you both Forever until my last breath,

Vincent

If you have any respect for me, my emotions, my feelings, my heart and soul then Please don’t attempt to contact me. Please don’t come looking for me. Please just stay away from me. PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. You broke me inside Tammy. I was already damaged when we met. I had so many things wrong in my life. But after 10 years I had healed and was ready to trust relationships again. You tore that apart completely. You hurt me terribly, so very badly Tammy and you don’t even realize it. And that’s a damn shame.

Vincent

A Lesson in Hats

Narrated by: 

~The Monkey Antiquarian~

(Jean-Baptiste-Siméon Chardin 2 November 1699 – 6 December 1779)

“Many ages ago in an exotic and faraway land there was a travelling haberdasher from Begur named Avinita. Like his father Madhava, and his grandfather Vishnugopa before him, he would roam from town to town selling his handmade hats for a living. He was forever careful and never let his guard down as there were always those who would steal what others had with no memory of the past and no care for the future.

One hot day, after travelling for many, many miles, he stopped to rest outside of Lopburi under a tree with branches and shade. He placed his bag of hats next to him, and being weary, shut his eyes and fell asleep.

After sleeping for many hours he awoke and stretched his aching muscles. It was then that he noticed his bag of hats was gone. Desperate he looked around but could not find his hats or the thieves. “What am I to do?” he said to himself. “Without my hats I can make no Tical and with no Tical I cannot afford to marry. And if I do not marry I can have no children to carry on the tradition of my father and grandfather! Oh, my life is over!” He sat back down and begin to weep.

When he grew tired of weeping he slowly climbed to his feet and prepared to leave for home with no future and the past fading away into distant dreams. Looking around one last time he finally noticed the monkeys in the tree behind him. They were all wearing his hats!

He was extremely alarmed (they could damage his hats and cost him Tical!) but also relieved. He could have a future if he could get his hats back from these furry, pilfering robbers! He yelled at the monkeys and they yelled back. He made insulting faces at them and they returned the same insulting faces. He threw stones at them and they showered him with branches and leaves. Nothing he did could make the monkeys give him back his future. Finally, he threw his hands up in the air and said, “Oh Great Lord Hanuman please help me. Only you understand and can tell these little ones they have to give me back my hope of future memories!”

Of course Lord Hanuman, being the God of Monkeys, and having a sense of humor, sided with the little fuzzy thieves.

“How do I get my hats back?” Avinita wondered. After sitting for many hours without a solution to his dilemma he grew frustrated, took off his own hat and threw it on the ground. To his surprise, the monkeys threw their hats down also! Avinita could not believe his good fortune! He quickly gathered up his hats and hurried on his way vowing to never make the same mistake again and always remember this day.

Decades later “Young Mushkara”, grandson of the famous Hat-Seller Avinita, who worked hard to maintain the family business, was passing through the same jungle. He had carried on the family tradition and become famous in his own right.

One particular day after a long walk “Young Mushkara”, grew very tired and found a tree with lots of branches and cool shade to rest under. He was soon fast asleep.
A few hours later, when “Young Mushkara” woke, he realized that all his lovely hats were gone! He started searching for them and to his surprise found monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats!

He was frustrated and did not know what to do, but then he remembered a story his grandfather used to tell him about losing his bag of hats. He waved at the monkeys and the monkeys waved back. He blew his nose and the monkeys blew their noses. He started dancing and the monkeys also danced. He pulled his ears and the monkeys pulled their ears. He raised his hands and the monkeys raised their hands. “Young Mushkara” then took off his own hat and threw it on the ground fully expecting the monkeys to mimic his action. To his surprise, the monkeys didn’t throw their hats down as his Grandfather had said they would. Could his Grandfather have been wrong about the monkeys?

It was then that a monkey climbed out of the tree and sauntered up to him. The monkey stopped in front of “Young Mushkara” and looked him up and down for several moments.

Growing impatient “Young Mushkara” finally cried out to the monkey. “What are you staring at?” The monkey calmly replied,” You’re not the only one with a Grandfather and a memory!”

~FIN~

BUDDHA WALKED INTO A BAR...

“USUALLY WHEN WE HEAR OR READ SOMETHING NEW, WE JUST COMPARE IT TO OUR OWN IDEAS. IF IT IS THE SAME, WE ACCEPT IT AND SAY THAT IT IS CORRECT. IF IT IS NOT, WE SAY IT IS INCORRECT. IN EITHER CASE, WE LEARN NOTHING.” ― THICH NHAT HANH, HEART OF BUDDHA'S TEACHING

This City Of Faces

Something so unsettling about standing on the L and seeing so much flash with so much dirt under the surface. Look real close at Jerry Stockbrokers fingernails and you might find catholic heaven (if your name is Junior and you’re 15), or hell if you’re his wife. Pedro wants his place in line back and pretends he can’t understand a word you say. Until you tell him how bad his breathe stinks and then he wants you to make love to six inches of shiny steel.

Languages babble like a tin can stuck on the heel of your work boot. The ones you wore around the world…twice. Old friends who never let you down, they'll always be there at daybreak. Even if they reek of old fish and something less savory, you can put them in another room. But the voices of the people around you… all white noise. And they leave the stink of unwashed masses that remind you of rotting onions and the gangrene your grandma-ma had in her big toe.

Ah the city… Like an old girlfriend who still carries your class ring, she never forgot you. She’ll spread her pock marked thighs and breathe that cloudy cigarette smoke right in your face. She’ll make love to you with a torrid desperation born of your own insipid need to feel something, anything. Your city. My city.

The rage that built the Sound

I'm hearing my past dry up and blow away like it's 83', 84', 85', 86' 87' 88' and my Docs are creaking at the door...

Somebody get me to The Off Ramp now!

Shit that never worked then, and now it's gone.

But we still always found a way there.

Of course it's always been about the rage that builds the Sound that brings the release, hasn't it?

Andy, Layne, Mia, Chris

Is that Seattle rain I smell in the Air?

I'll never forget you Chris...

STH~

The eloquence of Jazz and Humanity

It's refreshing to know that somewhere in the world at least one person is using daily critical thinking. For years I wasn't that impressed with Ethan Hawke and his onscreen abilities. But as he has aged, not only have his acting chops increased 10x fold, he has grown into a distinguished, smart, thoughtful and eloquent man.

With the release of his Chet Baker biopic "Born to Be Blue" (my own review coming soon) he recently gave a sit down interview to Steven Zeitchik of the LA Times. Well done to both parties and definitely worth a serious read. Enjoy and don't forget to always be true to yourself no matter what demons scream in denial. 

A story of misdirection and twisted thinking.

So some guys get mad that some other guys are being mistreated by the Federal government. In opposition to the feds the first guys decide to occupy Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

A question needs to asked immediately. Is this Homo Sapien for real? I mean come on, all of us have the potential to become conduits for a higher consciousness, but there's no reason to court hate, desecration and destruction.

Words can't fully explain what I mean so look here for all you need to see.

Are you back?

This is NOT "protesting" or "sitting in" for change. This is hate and any argument against that will fall on deaf ears.

So extremism once again raises it's ugly head in our own western culture, our own western society, on our own shores.

How is this 

any different than this?

Mr. Naturals expresses his opinion on Election year 2016...

What Mr. Natural has to say about today...



Sometimes "deviant" art provides the answer when what we really want is the question.

Immoral Crusading

The Crusades were a series of military campaigns from 1096 to 1487. That's 391 years of bloodshed, turmoil, hate and suffering. And then Civility broke out. Faith was respected (kind of) for 512 years. A fragile existence flexed it's beliefs and, with occasional growing pains, little long term conflict and damage was inflicted.(open to debate)

In 1999 all of that changed.

Extremism lifted it's hungry head and snarled with belligerence at the weak and the vulnerable. The world could have and should have acted then to keep the inbred ideas from spreading like an ancient disabling disease.

The number of those killed by Daesh is upwards of 50,000+ people. That's a conservative and entirely speculative number. Since this is Jihadi, numbers aren't important to the side committing the atrocities.

Yes, I said atrocities.

Death is death and combat for survival is protecting the species. This is not combat for survival. This is annihilation for no reason other than "god".

It really is silly, isn't it. It's feels like a bad pitch for a new serial television show. So there's this guy named Abraham from Mesopotamia and occasionally this voice talks to him. He shares with anyone who will listen what this voice says. So over time he has children who have children and they all decide to interpret Dad's "stories" differently. And hilarity results...

If it was only that simple.

A reason for "This Monkeys Life" or if you please "Reasons for Strange Words and Tales"

Someone once asked if the things I write about are real or born of a twisted imagination. I'll leave that to you, Dear Monkey, to decide.

I no longer go out of my way to discuss the words I write or their meanings and purpose. I grow weary of being asked if I am mad or insane. 

But what is madness? What is insanity?

Definition: Mad - mentally disturbed; deranged; insane; demented.

Definition: Insanity - the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.

f I had to choose one I would choose madness. It's just sounds more fun. After all you never hear about the criminally mad, do you?





A Hero's lasting ache and dire need...

Can you hear that?

Gods are weeping with shame and despair as their children shed their own blood.

It's time for all Hero's to Return and fulfill the bargains made.

WAKE UP...

The Eternal Questions

Plato said, "There must always remain something that is antagonistic to good."

Does this mean that there will never be a resolution to our struggles?

Let's start with some definitions. I obviously have not included complete definitions but have included links.

"Protagonist" - "the leading character, hero, or heroine of a drama or other literary work".

"Antagonist" -"the adversary of the hero or protagonist of a drama or other literary work."

"Good" - "moral righteousness; virtue: to be a power for good."

"Evil" - "morally wrong or bad; immoral; wicked."

Based on the observations of Plato does this mean that "good" has never even had a chance? Or was he teaching us about the idea of minimalism and balance in our micro and macro environments? Yin vs. yang, Spy vs. Spy, god vs. the devil, light vs. dark, day. vs. night and sun vs. moon all express the same core idea that balance must be maintained for the general health and well being of all Humanity. It's so simple in it's ideals yet we, as humans, seem to always be pushing left when we should be pulling right and pulling left when we should be pushing right.

Right?

It makes me ache inside. It's like looking at the reflection of two mirrors facing each other and expecting what you see to make sense. Sometimes the beast looks back and we don't even see the reflection is ours.