A True Tale

Academy of Athens{Plato L. and Socrates R.}

The following is true. Only the names of the guilty have been changed.

Tammy,

For five years I’ve done what I could to support you in every way possible. When you needed a shoulder to lean on I did my very best to be there for you and only asked the same from you. I supported us financially and did my very best to let you be you. For months and months neither one of us has been happy. I was ready to continue down this path of destruction and unhappiness. I really was. I felt that the “real” Tammy would finally show her sunny smile. Instead you, your words and actions sealed the final deal.

You showed me that for 5 years I’ve been nothing but a whore taking care of her pimp. You looked me square in the eye and told me you didn’t support my decision about my future AT ALL. You made it ABSOLUTLEY VERY, VERY EXTREMLY CLEAR that that was not going to change. Then I asked you if you even wanted to be with me. You again looked me square in the eye and said you didn’t want to be with anybody at all. Then you did the one thing I told you 4 years ago in spring valley to NEVER do again. Do you remember? I said if you ever made that voice and belittled me and emasculated me in that way again I would be gone so fast your head would spin. And of course you sat on our porch, looked me square in the eye and did exactly that. Again. 3 of the 5 things I told you were unacceptable in a relationship and you own 3. It could only be worse if you had done the 4th and 5th, assaulted with a coffee cup in the head repeatedly and cheated on me. Remember our conversation about those things? I thought you would.

But the hardest part? You looked “around me” over the kitchen counter the next morning. You couldn’t look me in the eye as you “apologized” and blamed it on being in a bad mood the night before. Ridiculous, stupid and silly

I should have known years ago when you cried and asked me “Who would take care of you if I left?” that this was never going to end well.

Even this morning when I left for school. Your last words to me weren’t goodbye, not even I love you. They were biting, sarcastic and nasty. I was tired and not totally awake. I dropped a lighter and didn’t realize it at first. That’s just an example of why I’m leaving. You’re never ever happy Tammy. When you do beautiful hair it’s not good enough. Or the client was a bitch. Or the boss doesn’t understand you. Or the money isn’t enough. Or the coworkers are bitches and assholes. And that’s just work. When you create something amazing like the couch, or artwork, or the beautiful carriage gate it’s not good enough. You’re not happy with you and you push that on everyone around you. Everyone. When you go out it’s not good enough. The people are assholes. Or the waiters a douche. Or the waitress is showing herself off. Or the drinks suck. Or the environment isn’t to your liking. How many times did I try to get us to go out? I stopped trying a long time ago because when I suggested it we never went. Because it wasn’t ever good enough. Lower your expectations Tammy. No one and nothing is ever going to be good enough for you if you don’t.

Or everybody’s out to get Tammy. Really? Enough is enough. Grow up. The world doesn’t revolve around Tammy. There is no Tammy land. It’s only in your head Tammy. Really.

I really thought when you finally got a job thing’s would get better. I thought maybe the world would stop looking so negative to you. I was wrong. Everywhere I go I see happy smiling, laughing people. I want to be one of those people again. With you, that’s never going to happen.

 I was alone when we met by choice. I choose to be alone again by choice.

Remember what my laugh sounded like when we first met? I do and that’s why this is over.

When I asked you to marry me you scoffed at me. You made me feel small and un- empowered. You told me it wasn’t good enough. When I gave you your ring it made your hand break out. Maybe that should have been a clue that we were doomed to fail from the beginning. When I gave you that beautiful handmade skull ring you laughed at me and told me it wasn’t good enough. When I tried showing it off to someone you made me feel like shit in front of that person. Tiny and miniscule with nothing to show for myself including a backbone of any kind.

Someday in a distant time and place I’ll be able to forgive you for using me and hurting me like this. But not today.

Sign the car title over to yourself. The insurance will stop at the end of the month. I’ll mail the computer back to you as soon as I clean all of my info off of it.

.

Maya is going to need you as much as you do her right now. Please give her all My Love. I’ll miss her so very, very, very, very much…….

I’m sending a copy of this email to your parents. You are going to have to rely on them. I am not your caretaker and bank. I am not your toy. I am not your boyfriend or your fiancé.

Be thankful you have Nathaniel  and Mary. They Love You more then you know! Having parents who care is never a burden. Stop acting like it is. Stop taking them for granted. You have no idea what it’s like to be all alone with no family at all. I pray you never have to feel this way.

I reached out to my own family recently for help. Help was offered and then I was left hanging in the wind. I was let down again.

Seems a recurring theme in my life. Lesson learned to not trust anybody but myself ever again. Period.

Be grateful you have Nathaniel  and Mary. You had better treat them well as they are your lifeline.

Nathaniel  and Mary,

I Love you both very much. Someday maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You’re going to have to help Tammy with rent. I thought I was going to be able to pay but I have had to dump a crap load of money in the truck in the last month and a half just to get out of this place and the negative, terribly destructive situation. I was supposed to be gone months ago. But between Praying that Tammy would change, paying off our bad debt from our relationship and my truck starting to break down… Transmission, battery, gaskets, steering and the final blow. Yesterday I had to have the alternator replaced. Of course Tammy knows nothing about this. I stopped trusting her and confiding in her along time ago. I have your address and will finally be able to start sending you the money we owe you. All of it. On my word and Honor. It may be slower than either one of us would like but it is what it is.

I’ll be camping in my truck for the foreseeable future while I continue school.

I’ll be Praying for you both Forever until my last breath,

Vincent

If you have any respect for me, my emotions, my feelings, my heart and soul then Please don’t attempt to contact me. Please don’t come looking for me. Please just stay away from me. PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. You broke me inside Tammy. I was already damaged when we met. I had so many things wrong in my life. But after 10 years I had healed and was ready to trust relationships again. You tore that apart completely. You hurt me terribly, so very badly Tammy and you don’t even realize it. And that’s a damn shame.

Vincent